Leadership Lens

Leadership Lens

I've had amazing leaders and mentors. And I've had some really bad ones. I used to think resilience meant tolerating behavior that leaders should have addressed.

Earlier in my career, I was a high-performing revenue producer with a big personality and strong results.

I was also:

– Told to consider “finishing school” so I could be more demure.

– Criticized for wearing high heels because I was “selling something other than software."

– Advised that being a single mother was a "choice” that would limit my advancement.

– Labeled “too successful” when my performance outpaced my leader's comfort.

At the time, I brushed it off. I told myself: perform better. Be tougher. Don't make it a thing.

But here's what I understand now: 

The issue wasn't my personality. 

It wasn't my shoes. 

It wasn't my motherhood. 

It wasn’t even my success. 

It was leadership.

When harassment is reframed as a coaching opportunity for the person being targeted, culture doesn't improve; it erodes.

When insecurity is promoted into authority, performance becomes threatening.

When leaders are chosen for tenure, technical ability, or politics rather than emotional maturity and integrity, everyone pays the price.

Especially the highest performers.

The cost of choosing the wrong leaders isn’t just turnover. 

It’s suppressed potential. 

It’s normalized bias.

Its top performers learning to shrink.

We have to be more thoughtful about whom we hand power to. 

Because culture isn't what leaders say.

It’s what they tolerate.